PotentialUS

From HAIR!

Filed under: all that other stuff on December 27th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

I had the most wonderful Christmas Day. No gift-giving, no awkward family get-togethers, and no stubborn silence at the dinner table.

Mike, his dad, and I hiked Storm King Mountain. We snowshoed up icy slopes, under fallen trees, and over deer prints. At the summit we overlooked the Hudson River and Breakneck Mountain. (We climbed Breakneck several months ago, I remembered - intolerable sunshine, bare shoulders, mad hunt for milkshakes as we stumbled back into town.) We ate chocolate wafers and then began our descend. True to the saying, it was greener on the other side of the mountain. We plodded down past bare rocks and flowing streams.

On the drive back, four deer stopped to stare at us. And we stopped to stare back at them. Staring contest! But only for a moment. The leader stuck her white tail up, as if giving us the finger, and pranced deeper into the woods. Silly deer.

From Storm King Mountain

Filed under: life on December 27th, 2008 | No Comments »

More than 2500 years ago 80-year-old Lao Tzu (or Old Sage) sets out on a journey. He travels to the ends of his country. A guard at the border asks the old man to leave behind all of his possessions. Lao Tzu replies that he has no possessions, except for his wisdom. The guard orders Lao Tzu to write down all of his wisdom, and this becomes the Tao Te Ching (The Way and Its Power).

That’s according to legend. I choose to believe it. Makes me wonder, what if everyone wrote down all of their wisdom? I guess that’s what the Internet is for. So this is my Tao Te Ching?

This summer Andy and I memorized chapters 1-11. I still catch myself reciting them under my breath when I’m brushing my teeth, drawing, falling asleep. Today I will start memorizing the rest.

What does it mean that success is as dangerous as failure?
Whether you go up the ladder or down it,
you position is shaky.
When you stand with your two feet on the ground,
you will always keep your balance.

What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don’t see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?

See the world as your self.
Have faith in the way things are.
Love the world as your self;
then you can care for all things.

Full text:
http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html

Filed under: books on December 27th, 2008 | No Comments »

Grandma calls to tell me that she’s spotted some furniture in the dumpster. We salvage a little beat-up desk from the snow. Mike and I sandpaper her. Dark blue paint particles fill our mouths and nostrils. I win the Blue Booger Games, and as a result get to take home some extra toxicity. I blow out blue.

I paint her light blue. I brush on clouds and water, pelicans tumbling and diving. The water resembles a cloud, and Mike and Mom interpret the design as a pelican bursting through the sky rather than diving into the sea. I like their interpretation better.

I reassemble her in the basement, tighten her copper handles, sit back in a rocking chair and admire. I imagine her in my new apartment, pelicans in the corner of my eye as I slip into bed after classes.

I hear pelicans brushing their bellies along the waves. Yes, they’re soaring at eye level, and I’m eating boiled eggs on the beach, watching eggshells paint signatures in the sand as they fall. Wind slurps in my ears and hair tingles my tongue. Grasses shiver behind me. Not monoculture-green grasses, but rather pristine-nature-green grasses. I think nothing and do nothing but marinate in HAPPY.

And I want summer, sweat, pristine-nature-green. Because I imagine my little light blue desk in my new apartment, and I don’t even grant her a glance when I stumble home. I am “too busy”; my world is a whirlwind of deadlines and dates, and I don’t have time to answer Grandma’s incessant calls, and a desk is made for studying, not admiring. And the little desk is most certainly an it, not a she. And HAPPY is all around me, and I want to slow down for it, but … ?

Filed under: life on December 27th, 2008 | No Comments »

I especially like our bears. Peace bears, man-eaten-by-bear bears, and sexy lady bears. Oh my!

From Cookies

Filed under: life on December 27th, 2008 | No Comments »

 Sparkly eyes blinking. Mothball hair.

“I didn’t poop. I couldn’t poop. I was too tired.”

Filed under: all that other stuff on December 16th, 2008 | No Comments »

I used to be addicted to coffee. Honestly, Addicted. I got out of bed only because I expected my morning brew to buck up my bleary eyes. And now here I am drinking my caffeine-free raspberry tea!

It’s all because Mother Nature said so: a few nights ago I couldn’t breathe. I felt like my chest wanted out, like my inside self had gotten tired of confinement. I couldn’t sleep or swallow. I was afraid.

It was just acid reflux disease. So I started taking some pills. But treating acid reflux involves more than just pills - it’s a lifestyle change. Less fat and alcohol, and lay off the clementine binges. But most importantly: No caffeine, especially no coffee.

So I stopped drinking coffee. Thank You for the warning, Mother Nature. It’s so much easier to stop when you have to.

Filed under: life on December 16th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

Mom is sitting up in bed. She tucks her nose into her laptop.

Mom doesn’t like her nose, says that it looks like a potato, makes her resemble a pig. I wish I had her nose. My favorite photograph is of that nose: She is a little girl singing on stage. Her head is flung back, nose curiously sniffing the sky. That nose smells dreams that burst at the seams from too many laughs and speechless audiences.

Mom is sitting to one side of the king-sized bed, alone. I wish she would sit in the middle. Tears tickle her eyes.

“I’m jealous of Zoryana.”

And I’m shocked. Mom is not the type of person to get jealous. She beasts through life, doesn’t stop to compare or regret.

“Zoryana’s life has always been so easy. She had it right all along. She always acted like a prima dona, and in return everyone treated her like one. When we were young, her dad would discuss family problems with me, not Zoryana, because he didn’t think Zoryana could handle the stress. Then she married her husband, who treats her like a goddess to this day. Every time I call her, I hear her son or her husband in the background, asking her if she would like some tea or a piece of cake. And here I am, thousands of miles and years away, still dealing with everyone else’s shit. Now I realize that there is nothing wrong with acting like the world revolves around you.”

I don’t believe her. My mom would get so utterly bored watching the world revolve around her. She will always be the one that gives the world its momentum, the performer rather that the onlooker. I wish my mom realized that she still has that little girl nose.

Filed under: life, family on December 15th, 2008 | No Comments »

If you’re looking for something to do on Sunday, December 14 at 4pm, you should watch Dear Zachary on MSNBC. I’ll keep my mouth shut so as not to spoil it, but trust me on this one. IMPRESSIVE.

http://www.dearzachary.com/

Filed under: documentaries on December 8th, 2008 | 1 Comment »

I’m 21. Whoot.

“Do you feel different?” you ask. “More mature, attractive, confident?”

“Don’ be ridiculous.” How corny, as if a number carries substance.

But now that you’ve planted the idea - well, maybe. Let’s entertain corny.

My 20 self didn’t believe in The Future. “To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top. Here’s where things grow…” (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). I rather trace cropcircles in the lowland grasses than squint up at the treeline.

Now 21 brands me restless, curious about the highlands. Today I daydream about the summit. One day I will write about dung beetles in the African savanna, natives in alpine Chile. I will travel through tundra and jungle. I will crystallize time, space and relations in blogs and magazines (with readers!).

21 teases me into marking this trail and committing to it, even if just for a little while. “…But of course, without the top you can’t have any sides. It’s the top that defines the sides. So on we go…”

Filed under: life on December 1st, 2008 | No Comments »